I Do Not Speak Whine


Roy beat the Brewers. He had all the run support he needed, so I assume he is ok with staying in Houston. I’m very thankful that he received this run support against an unknown pitcher like ::looking it up:: Chris Narveson. In retrospect, Oswalt has faced Lincecum twice, Halladay, and Usbaldo Jimenez. Good luck getting run support against those guys with any offensive team. They are studs. I’m tired of all the whining about Roy and his lack of run support. It is almost as bad as the endless chatter amongst the media and fans comparing this team to the 2005 Astros team. You know, the team that went to the World Series. It was also the team that was embarrassed in the World Series, but no one ever wants to talk about that. Anyway, some people think this team could rise from the dead (both teams had records of 16-30) and win the pennant. Wake up people!!! Talk about drinking the koolaid, geez. Yes it did happen in 2005, but it will not happen with this team. Trust me. Mark my words. I’ll turn into a Redtards fan if it does, that is how confident I am.   


Bud Norris.jpg

Bud Norris is going back to Houston to be examined by Dr. Linter after complaining about soreness in his right shoulder. I’m thinking a DL stint is in his future. I’m sure Jeff over at Red State Blue State and all the other Redtards fans are liking this news. That’s because he owns the Redtards, and they want to break free from that particular bondage.

The Astros are ahead of the Brewers as I type 3-2. Can they do it?



San Fran, Kaz gets the AXE, Roy is blowing in the trade winds



Wow. Where do I begin? Matsui of course! I can’t contain my excitement on this move. More importantly, we have Ed Wade eating crow and Uncle D scarfing down another contract. Can anyone say “Woody Williams?” This reminds me of that except Drayton had to eat $6 mill on that deal. The worst is yet to come…will Uncle D have to eat a bite of Carlos Lee’s contract? Stay tuned.


Berkman sums up the series right here. Yawn. They were swept in SF after sweeping the Cardinals. This team is consistently inconsistent. They keep you guessing with every game.

Lee at SF.jpg 

Lee cleared the fence for a homer during the game, but it wasn’t enough. Matsui made sure of that, striking out with Bourn at 3rd base to end the game. I won’t miss Matty and his inept bat. At least Lee has something to smile about these days. I abhor his smirks when he is not hitting.

Now a look at SF. Here is a sign directed at Lincecum by the Giants:

Stay OFF the Grass2.jpg

I don’t know if Timmy will take heed, but we’ll see. He loves the reefer.


The trolley is one of the things I really enjoy about San Francisco. You hop on, and all kinds of characters hop on with you. After walking up Nob Hill (with luggage) I was very thankful to hitch a ride.

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How much do they pay this guy at Sir Francis Drake Hotel? I’m thinking not nearly enough to dress up in this garb. A note on this hotel: the room was extremely small. I won’t be staying here again. I do love eating at Scala’s Bistro which is connected to the hotel. Make sure you have a cable car next time you’re there.

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A foggy, rainy day in San Francisco. I absolutely love it. You will never hear me complain about the rain, well, unless there is a rainout.


We made a trip up to the Muir Woods where the Redwoods reside. Amazing and extremely surreal. It was raining hard, but these trees love to slurp up the precipitation so it wasn’t bad at all.

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A creek running through Muir Woods.


You can’t go to San Francisco without mentioning Alcatraz. Here is the obligatory picture as well. I would never visit Alcatraz and here is why:

 If I made the trip over there I would never return. It would be like a Lost episode where I’m catapaulted to an alternate reality, and left to try and outsmart John Locke to escape from the island. I’m sure “The Others” would rear their ugly heads as well.


One more obligatory picture and that is of Chinatown. My wife doctored it up to look like a painting, but I actually like it.

Roy has thrown his hat into the “get me out of Houston” ring. Of course, he doesn’t want to go just anywhere. He wants to land with the oh so predicitable contender. If the Astros play their cards right they could strike it rich with some prospects on the deal. Ok Wade, let’s see what you got. Bring it. Let’s move Berkman too. I did have a problem with how Roy handled the situation. He said it has nothing to with the team doing poorly, it’s all about he has a small window that is closing. Please. Like Judge Judy says “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” You are leaving because this team sucks and everybody knows it. I can’t say I blame you, but don’t lie through your teeth like that.

Bottom line…let’s keep Roy’s bulging disc on the downlow. Maybe all the contenders out there forgot about that. 😉 Inform all media outlets to keep their mouths shut. Namely DICK Justice.



The CC Hooks and Mills gets the hook


Rocky and the kiddos.jpg

Wednesday was the first game I attended of a 4 game set in Midland, Texas.  The Corpus Christi Hooks (Astros AA team) vs. the Midland Rockhounds (Oakland.)  When I first saw this game was scheduled for 11:00 am I thought it was strange, a business man’s special in Midland? As I drove towards the stadium I noticed scores of school buses lined up in the parking lot. Holy **** I’m screwed. I almost turned around. I don’t hate kids, I just don’t like groups of them running around and screaming. When I picked up my tickets at “will call” the attendant informed me kids will be sitting in my section and that I could sit anywhere in sections 11 or 12. Once I realized my seat was on the front row directly behind home plate I began to relax. Besides, Rocky and Juice the Moose kept the kids entertained for the most part. The above picture is of Rocky signing frisbees for the kiddos.

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 This is Koby Clemens, son of the now infamous Roger Clemens. He wasn’t the starting catcher for this game; he is what I like to call the fluffer. Basically, he comes in and warms up the pitcher before the real action starts. If you still don’t get it, you should google the word.


This is one of my favorite pictures of the game. Sitting behind home plate is awesome.

 Here is J.R. Towles in his new uni. After being bumped down to AA, I feel sorry for the guy. My problem is he’s still wearing one of those stupid white necklaces. After what he has been through, I would trash the necklace, unless it’s keeping him from completely losing it. You can read about those necklaces here. Note to Towles: The necklace will never work. 

I’ll discuss the Astros briefly. Let me fill you in on the state of the Astros: They have been losing a lot more than they have won. I came up with that all by myself.  Sunday’s game was nice. The offense looked lively, like they were ready to bust out…just in time for an off day. What is one more off day to go with the rest of them? The offense has been putrid. I do know this team is capable of hitting, and I firmly believe they are snapping out of this funk. Unfortunately, I can’t promise you the pitching will remain consistent when that happens. It’s the same old drill. You plug up one hole in the dam, and it springs another leak.

On an even more positive note, Brad Mills was thrown out of his first game Sunday for arguing balls and strikes.  I had been waiting for this. Unfortunately, it was a yawner. I didn’t even realize he was thrown out until afterwards. If that is as animated as he can get, I won’t be looking forward to the next one.



Flight. Camera. Action.

J.R. Towles was blindsided by Ed Wade last night when he was informed of his demotion to not AAA Round Rock, but AA Corpus Christi. It gets better. He was then informed he will be taking a morning flight to nowhere else but Midland, Texas. Midland is where the Hooks are right now. That had to be a sobering experience for the guy…I feel his pain. The only flight I want to take is one out of Midland. Some people like this area, but I’m not one of them.

The reason for this has been documented as an experience factor. I don’t think he has what it takes mentally to run a pitching staff, and that is why he was demoted. Plain and simple. If you listen to his interview with Patti Smith it doesn’t take long to realize he’s not that bright. Not only do you need to be able to hit the ball, and play good defense, you also need some intelligence to be an MLB catcher. Towles seems like he is a taco short of a combination plate, but that’s only my opinion. I’ll be attending the Hooks games the next couple of days, so I’ll be seeking him out for a photo. I’m sure he won’t be camera friendly at this juncture, but I hope to at least get him in action.

I’ll be surprised if he ever makes it back to the major league club after this.



“If you’re going to San Francisco…

…be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.” Why do I say this, because I’m going to San Francisco. It’s arguably my favorite of all the cities in the good ‘ol USA. I was married there, and it’s simply an amazing place. A very unique style. I dig it. Anyway, I have some important baseball dates coming up in May:

  • May 5th 11amCorpus Christi Hooks vs.Midland Rockhounds (Business Man’s Special)
  • May 6th  7pm Corpus Christi Hooks vs.Midland Rockhounds
  • May 5th  7pm Corpus Christi Hooks vs.Midland Rockhounds
  • May16th 1pm SAN FRANCISCO BAY-BE!!!

If those juicy tidbits don’t get you pumped up nothing will. First of all being able to scope out some of the minor league pitchers that are grazing down on the farm, and don’t forget Koby (I’m not sure who your Dad is) Clemens. I also have 2 tickets available for the games at MMP on May 7th and May 8th. I’m wondering who I should donate them to.

Just for fun here’s a look at the seats we have at AT&T Park:

These seats are located directly behind the visitor’s on deck circle. You can’t get much closer than that…unless your playing.

It’s good news that the wizard will be back from Weir, Ms. (FYI-that’s pronounced “ware”) for his turn in the rotation against ::licking my chops:: the Reds! His eyes light up when he sees the Reds on his pitching schedule. 

On to a serious matter:

After receiving news that his parents home was practically demolished by a tornado, he drove there to check on his family. His mother was in the home at the time, and sought refuge in a closet. The home basically collapsed around her. Can you say scared ****-less? That’s what I would have been. I’m glad she’s o.k.

Things are looking up for this team. Pitching is great, defense is good, and hitting can only get better. Tonight it’s Bud Norris against Herman Munster. Enjoy.




What were you thinking?? You recently got off the DL after being out of action for over a month, and  you pull a stunt like that? Use your brain…”that’s the lump that’s 3 feet above your ***.” (classic line from Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own.) You told the media you weren’t sure how the knee would respond to a slide, so then you try to steal 3B? I expect that crap from Carlos and he delivered last night. It was one of the more bizarre attempts at stealing 2B I’ve seen in a while. He gets half way on his ill fated attempt and realized it was just that so he slips down awkwardly. You’d have to see it. Someone needs to remind Carlos again “his days of stealing bases are long gone.” You didn’t steal that many before, so it’s time to give it up completely. Berkman: this team needs you more than any other player right now, so quit jackin’ around with the bum knee. When you do stupid stunts like that it makes me want to say really bad words. Ok, I’m off my soap box.

The game itself ended up being a success. The Astros chased Josh Johnson out of there and the Marlins bullpen blew it again. Keppinger started the game at SS and went 0-3 with a throwing error. The jury is still out on whether or not Kepp could play SS full time, but I think it’s worth a try. That is how you solve the mess named Kaz Matsui. He starts at 2B, and Manzella is on the bench. If this lineup works, you send Manzella back down. If it doesn’t, you simply release Matsui and write him off as bad debt. Adios (good riddance.)

I was thrilled we won the game with Josh Johnson pitching. Another huge lift for this team. Here is a quick look at the standings:

NL Central W L Pct. GB Home Road
St. Louis Cardinals 10 5 .667 4-2 6-3
Milwaukee Brewers 7 7 .500 3-3 4-4
Pittsburgh Pirates 7 7 .500 5-3 2-4
Chicago Cubs 6 9 .400 4 3-3 3-6
Cincinnati Reds 6 9 .400 4 4-4 2-5
Houston Astros 5 9 .357 2-6 3-3

Bottom line…we are in the cellar, but it is a temporary stay. 



Kaz….to be ::gulp:: released?


                      “I think I’m turning Japanese”           

Sure, I have given Matsui all kinds of grief last year, and it was well deserved. From hamstring injuries to anal fissures, his injuries and inflated contract have haunted Astros fans and the team. Now I find myself in a peculiar place…feeling sorry for the guy. He is riding the pine because he isn’t hitting, and Keppinger is. Excuse me but I can’t name another player that’s worthy of a mention in the hitting category this year. I don’t think he will be released when Berkman is called up, but there are some rumblings about that actually happening.

Yesterday’s game against the sCrUBS (thanks Jeff ) was just what the doctor ordered for a 2 game winning streak (it’s the little things at this juncture.) Wandy pitched well, but couldn’t match Dempster’s dominance. Of course most pitchers look dominant against this team. With the help of Moehler, Byrdak, and Lindstrom closing the door this team won a much needed game. It was a “feel good” win. Not as huge as that first win, but it was important to win this series. That’s what playing the sCrUBS will do for a desperate team…cure what ails it. Thanks sCrUBBIES!

Our schedule will loosen up at home this week with Florida, Pittsburgh and Cincinatti on tap. I’m not guaranteeing anything with this team, but having Berkman back will provide a much needed spark to this lineup. Bring on the Puma. We’ve missed you bro.


Berkman ST.JPG Bottom line…Matsui could be released if he doesn’t start hitting, but he will be given another chance by Mills to do just that.

I’d like to thank….

                         The St. Luggie Redtards


   and nobody loses to the Astros better than the Redtards do. 

 Congratulations Astros fans this Bud is for you:



                              I actually meant THIS BUD is for you….


Bud Norris.jpg
The youngster brought his AGAME to St. Luggie and they didn’t have a clue (including Pujols) on how to hit him. 
He’s faced them 3 times in his young career, and has put up a DUBYA each and every time. He also helped himself out with an RBI single. Keep it up kid.

A special thanks goes out to Keppinger who had 3 RBIs. He’s making it tough for Mills to keep him out of the lineup. Quit trying Brad and let him play. Matsui’s ineffectiveness is catching up with him. He better pull his head out quick or the 5 million dollar man will be riding the pine (no love lost between me and Matsui.)

P.S. One more thanks goes out to the Cubbies for giving us win number two today. Winning really is fun. 




Mr. Potato Head

Mr. Potato Head.jpg

That is what I will be calling Brad Mills on occasion. It’s nothing personal, it’s just when I was young we called many a bald man Mr. Potato Head. Take a look:



He could pass for a Mr. Potato Head doll for sure. Take the cap off and I’ll start singing the song.  

Here is what I need from Mr. Potato Head: his first ejection as manager of the Houston Astros. Look…I’m getting bored and I need some excitement, and this will definitely deliver the goods. There is also a chance that this could ignite a spark of some kind for this team. I think we’ve all seen that happen in the past. It’s not a solution for all of their problems, but it sure couldn’t hurt anything could it?  

I’m waiting for that one bad call that sets the wheels in motion. He seems fairly laid back, so it will have to be blatant. It may even take a series of bad calls to get him stirred up.  I saw a bad call last night at 1st base when they called Bourn out…but that’s not nearly enough.

I do enjoy this part of baseball. Ejections, posturing, brawls, etc., its good stuff, and that is because it doesn’t happen often. It keeps me on my toes because I have no idea when it will happen next. Hockey, on the other hand, is so predictable and over-the-top with the fighting, etc. I don’t like that. Speaking of brawls, my all time favorite is Nolan Ryan/Robin Ventura. That was some good baseball right there. Ryan was saying something like “bring your *** out here and I’m gonna kick it” and he did just that. Ryan put him in a head lock (not a place I’d want to be) and pounded that coconut. Now, Ventura is the only player to get 6 hits off of Nolan Ryan in a game (a bad joke.)

Bottom line…if Mills doesn’t explode soon, I will.  

El Slackero


“The natives are getting restless” as Milo would say. Here we are whining about Carlos Lee and his inflated contract. We knew this day would come back in 2006, but got caught up in the moment (mainly his 37 home runs and 115+ rbis the previous 2 yrs.) The time has come to pay the fiddler. I wanted to share the breakdown of his nauseating contract that I snipped from this link on Astros.com:

Lee’s contract will pay him $11 million in 2007, plus a $3 million signing bonus. He will receive $12 million for 2008 and $18.5 million for each of the last four years of the contract, which runs through the 2012 season. The agreement contains a full no-trade clause for the first four years and a limited no-trade clause the final two years, during which Lee and the Astros must agree on which teams he can be dealt to in the event the Astros decide to trade him.

There it is, and it sure is ugly now. It’s like that woman you left with from the bar at 2 am. She was looking pretty good through your dilated pupils and the smoky, dim lighting of the bar. The next day…let me put it like Willie Nelson sang it “You came in at 2 with a 10, but at 10 you woke up with a 2.” I’ve been there…I admit it. Anyway, that’s where we are now and everybody wants to sneak out the back door.   

Bottom line…we better hope he hits this year so we can trade his *** off for someone who can do more than just hit.   

P.S. Susan over at Astros Fan In Exile took the name Carlos Slacker and El Caballo and came up with El Slackero. I like.